crazy wednesdays!

so, my wednesday actually started out in myrtle beach!  yeah...i took some days off and went and stayed with the myrtle beach summershine staff!  so i got up about 645am....30 minutes later than expected...but still got out the door by 715!  

the real reason for writing this blog is so rumors don't spread with the wrong info about today's events!  me and jenny have ended our dating relationship as of a telephone conversation today on the way back to the outer banks.  it's been coming, i didn't see it as soon as i should have!  important lesson for guys:  love can be smothering.  even when you think you're doing all the right things, sometimes too many right things can be a wrong thing if the other person in the relationship starts feeling overwhelmed.  and that's what happened with jenny and I....i was so caught up loving her that i tried to ignore the warning signs that our love was becoming uneven.  i don't think either of us ever wanted that to happen, but it did!  so breaking up was a mutual thing.  her desires were leaning toward other things, and it was hard for me to accept that, because my love for her got in the way of me REALLY seeing what she needed.  and what she needs right now....is not me.  jenny is a woman after God's own heart.  and she is actively pursuing Him and what He wants out of her.  and that is awesome.  this is just a step we took along the way.

so as you can guess, there was a time for mourning.  and i can already see several reasons that God had in mind when he opened up the door to go to myrtle beach, and one is the car ride back.  i had time to mourn and let what happened really sink in.  then when i got back to my house, about 20 minutes before candy bar bingo was to start, i had a mini-breakdown for about 10 minutes.  i think it's good to cry.  i think some of the best prayers come when you're crying.  for me, emotions can go no farther, sadness reaches it's peak with tears.  but you know what?  at 3 o clock, candy bar bingo happened.  it was there and there was nothing i could do to stop it from coming.  i went, and there were 20 something kids, probably a record at hatteras for candy bar bingo, maybe, and then scheduling and activity planning, fun train, then the s'more bonfire, and meeting with ryan and courtney, and chapel practice, and now here i am.  

in the incredibly wise words of my neighbor, larry mckinney, "well....life goes on."  i can't throw a pity party at my house tomorrow night at 7, because there's the pirate parade.  i am going to miss her, obviously.  i mean this is one of the most massive things that has ever happened to me, i've never grown so close to anyone, ever! 

 but you know where my hope needs to be?  (wow...i've never gone this deep in a blog before.)   my hope doesn't need to be that she'll ever love me again.  my hope needs to be, and has slowly become over the day, that God knows what He's doing, and He's in control, and that He is the pivotal cornerstone of my life.  now that, my friends, is real peace.  that's real joy.  that the creator of the universe is OUR friend.  he's rooting for jenny as she wants to grow closer to him, and he's carrying her through this.  and he's carrying me, and we're right in his hands.  i want that.  i want the kind of hope that sends me out with the gospel bursting from my mouth, and through my actions.  chapel practice was so refreshing...i hadn't played guitar or sang for 3 days, and singing and playing "for my God is with me" is one of the most incredible things, i can't describe it.  

so, morals of the blog: 

• love can smother.  
  
• take nothing for granted. 
  
• closely pay attention to every, and i mean EVERY, hint, whether it's in actions or words, because all hints mean something....and  
  
• don't let your love blind you to what's really happening.  
  
• be careful of what you're hopeful for.  
  
• there is a time for mourning.  (at least that's what that wise writer in the Bible says, and i believe it!).  
  
• so there is a time for mourning, but life and time doesn't stop at a red light for mourning.  it's a constant green light.  
  
• and now i have to get some sleep, because pancake breakfast happens at 7:30 am, and by the time you read this, i might already be parading piracy at 7 pm!  if you've read all this, please take an extra few seconds to pray for jenny in myrtle beach, and me at hatteras, and for all the summershiners out there this summer.  please!